Fashion Forward Advice for Honing Your Frozen Arctic Survival Skills — Daily Quote

damn-its-cold-out-here-the-end anonymous

If you enjoy cold weather poems, here’s another.

Noses are red,
Fingers are blue.
I’m tired of winter,
How about you?

I woke Sunday morning to a balmy -9 with a wind chill of -21 degrees. At least the sun was shining when I ventured outside to shovel the driveway. I waited until it got warmer. My phone reported a whopping 3, but I am always prepared. I have an Icelandic wool coat I keep for these occasions. It is big, bulky, covers me to about mid-thigh, and it has never let me down. Wearing this cream-colored horror is an art.  I have discovered less is more, and  I only wear a long sleeve tee-shirt under it. I opt for sleeves because otherwise, the wooly fabric makes me itch and scratch, and I don’t want to entertain my housebound neighbors. Anything heavier than a tee-shirt, and I overheat. There is even a matching hat to complete my sexy and stylish ensemble. I know because Mr. Abominable said I looked hot.

Looking like an enormous round blob with a Q-Tip head isn’t so bad because I hate shivering. Since nobody can give me a definitive answer whether shivering qualifies as exercise, I err on the side of warmth. Sweating, however, does count.

My friend Maxine says the secret to surviving winter is putting on sufficient layers so that you don’t fit through the door and can’t go outside. I say the problem with staying inside is you have no choice except to interact with the cabin fever crazed lunatics who live there. They make braving treks into the frozen wasteland for extended periods seem like a vacation. Maxine and I both agree on one thing. We might have snow piled five feet high, but we cannot construct a single valid reason to waste valuable Margarita salt on the sidewalk. If the ice gets thick enough, we can chip it into cubes for our drinks.

According to my app, sub-freezing conditions extend into next week. I am ecstatic. I’m eager to try a new cold-weather sport called Extreme Hibernation. They hook up a night vision cam and record grainy black and white video of you sleeping in your den. There is no word yet on the food supply and a free Netflix subscription.

How do you survive winter?


Keep on writing.

Jo Hawk The Writer

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